And Take My Fucking Hand Ch.1

CHAPTER ONE—


I looked down at my hands as I sat at our usual table. Gerard was late today. Checking the big ticking clock they had on the wall next to me, old fashioned Roman Numerals looming over the couple that sat underneath it. It was 1:20...something. Gerard was supposed to be here at one.

Getting up I walked to the counter where the same worker-lady always stood and fiddled with something different every time we came. Today it was a nail file.

“Can I have another Hot Chocolate?” I asked, just as the bell over the door jingled.

“Hey Frank,” Gerard said at the same time, looking flustered at his scarf that had seemed to be ruffled by the wind.  “Sorry I’m late. I lost track of time.”

“And a coffee,” I added to the lady who sighed over dramatically and got to work fixing out drinks. Now I turned to Gerard, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What has the utterly great artist Gerard been working on this time?” I asked jokingly, playing with my skeleton gloves I loved so much.

“I’m thinking about writing another comic book,” he said seriously. I sighed at him. He had gotten so serious over the past few years. Nothing was about just being a kid and playing music for other kids. He’d grown up too much.

“Uh, cool,” I replied when the employee, Lucy (or so her name tag said), gave us our drinks and we paid. We walked back to our table, where my previous cup and jacket sat. Relief that no one stole it came to me in a sigh, when I looked back over it and everything was still in place.

We sat in silence for a while and sipped cautiously at our hot drinks. I thought about how much I already missed Gerard, even though he was right across from me. The only time I’d ever hung out with him properly, when we weren’t serious about something, was last week.

Last week. I frowned at how embarrassing last week was. And at how much we’ve seemed to be forgetting about it. Last week was like when we were younger, back before The Black Parade. Back when Revenge was out and they wore red ties and such. Back when Gerard had long hair.

I looked up at Gerard’s hair and squinted my eyes, trying to make it grow in my imagination.

“What are you doing?” Gerard interrupted my concentration, amused.

“I miss your old hair,” I said, eyes back to normal. I took another drink of my now cooled hot chocolate and stared at his brownish eyes. I’d always loved his eyes, much better than my own. Mine were too multicolored, when his were more of a solid.

“—grow it back out and stuff. It’ll make me feel more like myself, you know?”

I nodded my head a little confused, not listening to what he had said in the beginning. Last week came back to my mind. I replayed it back, skipping the part when we fell asleep. I wasn’t so sure about that part. I mean, we never really liked to talk about stuff that happened between us. Gerard made sure to tell everyone that we were straight... but I wasn’t so sure about myself.

No, you’re straight. You have a wife for fucking sake!! The thoughts came to my mind.

“How was your week?” I asked out of habit, trying to forget about how awkward last week was… Again.

“Boring. Lyn-z still isn’t back from tour, even though she’d said she’d be home by last Thursday. I’m worried something came up,” he looked at me with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. But I just fumed with anger at the thought of Lyn-z.

“Oh, maybe they just added a tour date or something. I dunno?” I said, rubbing the back of my neck and trying to hide my frustration. I looked back down at my 2nd empty cup, only glancing at him once. He was nodding, not looking at me either.

“How was yours?” he asked after a small silence. I just shrugged and spun my cup around a little, getting chocolate residue on my gloves and fingers. I licked it off, one finger at a time so I wouldn’t gross anyone out. I hated it when people would just lick and suck on their entire hand.

I looked back at Gerard and found him staring at my lips after I finished cleaning off my fingers.

“What?” I asked, blushing a little. He looked up at my eyes in an embarrassment greater than my own.

“Oh, uh, nothing,” he replied hastily, getting up and scratching the back of his neck. I stayed sitting, looking at his wandering eyes as he thought of something to say to cover up for his embarrassment. But I knew. I knew he was unsure, just like me. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit I was unsure too. I didn’t want things to get awkward for us, or for our growing families.

“Well, I guess I’ll go then,” he finally said after a much anticipated silence. I got up too and smiled at him, mind wandering back to last week.

“Okay,” I said softly and looked at my feet out of habit. I looked back up at his face, waiting for him to leave so I could follow as always. But he didn’t.

“Oh hey,” he added, instead of leaving, “Mikey and Alicia and Lyn-z and I were all going to hang out this Friday. Wanna come? You can bring Jamia.”

“Sure. But Jamia won’t be coming back home until the Monday after next. She’s on vacation with friends,” I said, my eyes turning downcast at the thought of Jamia. We had loved each other so much, but recently, she seemed to be getting farther apart.

Maybe it was because she wasn’t used to be on break, being around all the time, I thought to myself.

“Frank?” Gerard asked, catching my attention. “You okay?”

My eyes must’ve given me away, like they always do and I cursed them in my mind. He notices everything, and sometimes it really got on my nerves.

“I’m just thinking,” I said, trailing off a little. He still stood there, not moving or walking to the door or anything, and I was getting impatient.

“Okay, you just seem quieter today,” he said with a crooked smiled. I smiled back and we said a proper goodbye and both left the coffee shop, walking separate ways. I thought about this Friday, and hanging with Gerard and Mikey. A change for once. I smiled to myself as I got in my car, and drove home.